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Stop comparing yourself to other solopreneurs and coaches online. Just stop it. Now. You're measuring your Chapter Three against someone else's chapter 23 that overnight success that you're beating yourself up about. They've been grinding away for over a decade while you just discovered them last Tuesday. You know the ones I'm talking about, and every time you open Instagram to check on your business, you're actually programming your brain to believe you're failing. So let's dive into how to stop this comparison. Itis in today's episode.
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Ready to break free from the solopreneur struggle. Join me as I peel back the layers to a thriving online business without the guru hype or the burnout. I'm going to show you the proven strategies and tools that I use so you can build a sustainable digital business without sacrificing your well being.
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Welcome back to ease and impact thriving as a solopreneur. I am your host, Frankie j and if you're new here, this is your weekly reality check of building a sustainable solo business without losing your sanity in the process. Before we dive in, if you are finding value in these conversations, hit that follow or subscribe button, because unlike those highlight reels you're Doom scrolling through, we try to keep it real here. No filters, no fake it till you make it just practical strategies for actual humans running actual businesses. So what's going to happen when you listen to today's episode, and if you actually implement what we're talking about, well, you're going to reclaim probably about two to three hours of your day, which, if you tally that up, is 14 to 21 hours a week you didn't even realize you were hemorrhaging. To the comparison monster second that knot in your stomach every time you see someone else's record breaking launch or fully booked in five minutes post that's gone.
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The third, I think this is a big one, you're going to finally start making progress on your business instead of mentally redesigning it every time you see what someone else is doing, because the moment you stop watching everyone else's race, you actually start running and winning your own. So let me tell you about something that happened last week, and kind of the reason why I'm doing this episode is I was listening to an interview with Mel Robbins. You know the five second rule, let them theory. Mel Robbins, the one who's seems to be everywhere right now,
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and she got real about her journey. I think it was on some breakfast show. Now, the clip itself was around how you are one decision away from changing your life. But what I really took away from that is that when she said it took her 16 years from that initial decision to change her life to where she is today, where she was in that interview, 16 years
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now, I only discovered her about a year ago, and late last year, to me, it looked like she exploded onto the scene overnight. One day, she wasn't even on my radar. The next day, she's got millions of followers, and everyone's talking about her techniques. This is that overnight success illusion that we see everywhere, and it's really crushing your business momentum faster than most things that are happening in your business right now. But here's why this matters more than you realize, and why, if you don't address this, you might just continue to struggle in getting your business where you want it to be. Because I don't want talented solopreneurs to quit, not because they weren't good enough, not because their ideas weren't valuable, but because, comparison, itis literally paralyzed them into inaction or giving up. They spent so much time watching other people's businesses that they forgot to build their own. Because when you constantly compare yourself to others success, especially when you're already feeling vulnerable, your brain often interprets that as a threat, and this can trigger a bit of a stress response. You know, elevated cortisol, decreased creative thinking, impaired problem solving, you're essentially putting yourself in a mental state that makes it harder for you to do your best work. And here's the part that should scare you. This isn't just affecting your productivity today, it's creating neural pathways to become your default operating system. The more you compare, the more your brain gets wired for comparison. It becomes your automatic response. Six months from now, you won't even realize you're doing it. It'll just be how you think. And research consistently shows that regular social comparison undermines self efficacy and motivation when you're constantly comparing, you're training your brain to focus on where you fall short, rather than where you're growing. I only know all this because I'm 100% guilty of it myself. So if you take nothing else from this episode, understand this. Becoming aware of your comparison habits isn't a nice to have personal development work that you're doing. It really is that first step and help.
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To build a more sustainable business, because social media algorithms are designed to show us the highlight reel at the exact moment someone hits that peak. We don't see the 16 years of rejection letters, failed launches, pivots, crying in the shower, eating ramen for the third night in the row, or magic noodles, if you're this side of the world. We see the TEDx talk with 50 million views, we see the sold out. Course, we see a screenshot of a six figure month. And then this is where it gets really bad. We look at our normal Tuesday afternoon with our half finished blog post and now 47 email subscribers, and we're thinking, we're failing.
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We're not failing. We're just comparing our backstage to everyone else's spotlight moment. Every scroll is actually programming your nervous system to believe you're behind. You're not enough, you're doing it wrong. What if the very act of checking what everyone else is doing is the exact thing keeping you from doing what you need to do? And before you tell yourself, I'm not that bad or I can handle it. Let me share something that might wake you up a bit. Studies show the average person checks their phone between 50 to 100 times today, if you're running a business that uses social media for marketing, you might be checking it even more even if each check is brief, those interruptions add to hours of splintered attention. So let me share something that I've been experimenting with. I turned off all notifications on my phone in relation to social media and even my email. So no Facebook or Instagram, no little red numbers calling my name like sirens on the rocks, little Greek mythology reference there for those who got it, but at first, my hand would still reach for my phone had a pure muscle memory. I'd pick it up, I'd see no notifications, and it would actually serve as a gentle reminder. All right, I can turn those off for a reason.
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Now, I check my Facebook for business twice a week. That's structured into my calendar, and sure, I do go on for entertainment by reels on occasion, but I'm pretty disciplined with it, and you know what? At first it was weird. I felt like was missing out on the latest trend or something I needed to be on top of.
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But after some weeks had passed, I realized I wasn't missing anything except my own anxiety. Here's where you really need to be honest with yourself, because turning off notifications isn't enough. It's still opening the apps out of boredom. That's like saying you quit smoking, but you still hang out in the smoking section. The first step in changing any habit is awareness. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. So start by simply noticing without judgment, how often you reach for your phone, how often that you open that app, how you feel before opening it and how you feel after that, awareness alone will start to shift things. So let's talk about breaking this pattern at a deeper level, when you feel that urge to check what everyone else is doing or check in on your phone for fear of missing out on something, I want you to pause and ask yourself, What am I actually looking for here?
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Nine times out of 10, you're not looking for inspiration. You're looking for permission,
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permission to be where you are, validation that you're on the right track, evidence that what you do really matters.
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But every minute you spend looking for that permission outside yourself is a minute you're not giving to yourself, and unlike those influences that you're stalking, you are the only person whose permission actually matters for your business.
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Now I'm not saying that inspiration isn't valuable. Sometimes a good Instagram reel gives you exactly the idea you need or shows you a new perspective. But there's a massive difference between intentionally seeking inspiration and unconsciously medicating your insecurity with other people's content. So here's how to tell the difference. If you're scrolling with intention, you can stop what you when you find what you need. If you're scrolling for validation, you can't stop because you'll never find what you're looking for. So here are three specific strategies to try. First, let's call them comparison circuit breakers. These are physical actions that interrupt the pattern. So when you catch yourself comparing, immediately do a physical action. So I don't know, five push ups or drink a glass of water. Step outside.
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You literally rewiring your neural pathways to associate comparison with interruption, not continuation. Second, instead of looking at where others are, document where you are every week. Write down things you've accomplished, no matter how small, not three things you posted about, not three things you got engagement for three things you actually did just train your brain to measure progress by your own metrics, not someone else's applause. And third, practice strategic ignorance. So choose to not know.
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What is happening online. You know, I don't look at many people in my industry, or even that many people on my Facebook, no podcasts, no blogs, no social media, just me and my work.
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You may find that you get more clarity than you ever did jumping online for inspiration. I find that in general now I have a lot less FOMO, which also helps me in other areas of my business and my life, like the FOMO that leads to buying course after course, you know who you are.
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Look, I know change is uncomfortable. Your brain is going to resist it at first. It's going to tell you that you need to check what everyone else is doing, that you'll fall behind, that you'll miss opportunities so that resistance. So that's exactly how you know this work is important. The stronger the resistance, the more crucial the change.
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Remember, every entrepreneur you admired started exactly where you are, no followers, no email list, no clue if it would even work. The only difference is they kept their eyes on their own paper long enough to build something worth comparing to you. Want to know the real secret about those overnight success stories?
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They're not overnight and they're not really about success either. They're about someone who got so focused on their own journey that they stopped caring about everyone else's destination, and funnily enough, that's exactly when everyone else started caring about theirs. So here's your call to action for this week. Pick one social media app and turn off all the notifications. Start with just one. You don't have to go cold turkey like me, unless you want to, but see what happens when you check it on your schedule, not when it demands your attention,
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but more importantly, start with that awareness for the next 48 hours. Just notice. Notice when you reach for your phone, notice what triggered it. Notice how you feel. You can't change a pattern you're not conscious of. So becoming conscious is where to start. And I want to hear about your experience. You know, drop your questions or your insights in the comments. You know what happened when you stopped the comparison game? What shifted for you? Your story might be exactly what another solopreneur needs to hear today.
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Thank you for spending this time with me, for choosing to invest in your business and yourself, and remember you don't need to be where they are. You need to be where you are doing what you're doing, one intentional step at a time until next week. Keep creating impact with ease.
