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Have you ever found yourself 11 o'clock at night, your phone in hand, Mindlessly scrolling through that social media or playing that in just one more level game, when you know you should be sleeping by now,
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or maybe you're binge watching Netflix as you drift off anything to quiet that nagging voice in your head about tomorrow's call that overdue work you have to get done, or the financial pressure you're feeling. Here's the uncomfortable truth of what you're doing, you're not really winding down. You're avoiding and this innocent looking habit, it's quietly sabotaging your business success, because it's sabotaging your personal well being in ways you might not even realize because here's what happens when we consistently avoid processing our business challenges and our emotions around it, we make decisions from a place of reactivity instead of clarity, we procrastinate on the very actions that could make the real difference in our business, and we end up stuck in cycles that keep US Small, keep us overwhelmed or wondering why everyone else seems to have it figured out.
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So how are we going to fix all that? Well, that's what we're going to chat about in this episode. Ready to break free from the solopreneur struggle. This is the ease and impact thriving as a solopreneur Podcast. I'm Frankie Jay, a surfer, a mom and an eight year solopreneur. Myself join me as I peel back the layers to a thriving online business without the guru hype or the burnout. I'm going to show you the proven strategies and tools that I use so you can build a sustainable digital business without sacrificing your well being. Let's get you thriving as a solopreneur.
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Welcome back to ease and impact your weekly dose of practical advice for the solo business journey wherever you're at now, I'm your host, Frankie j and if you're finding value in these conversations, hit that follow button now so you never miss an episode that could really change things up in your life and your business. Now, by the end of today's episode, my goal for you is to have a different relationship with those end of day feelings that usually send you reaching for a distraction. You'll understand exactly why your brain craves that avoidance, and more importantly, you'll have a few strategies you could implement tonight to start processing those feelings productively instead of pushing them away. This shift alone could be the difference between you staying stuck or plateaued or starting to make some real progress in your business, because when you stop avoiding the
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truths or the feelings you have about your business, you start being able to make the decisions that actually make things happen. Now I want to start with a bit of a story that might sound familiar. Three years ago, I was running my business during the day and drinking beers or gin at night, not because I was an alcoholic, or at least, I don't consider myself one, rightly or wrongly, but because running a business as a solopreneur and being the sole income earner in the family, it felt overwhelming. Constant decisions or comparing myself to people online, the financial uncertainty that comes with being a solopreneur, the weight of knowing that every choice I made directly impacted my family's security, it was exhausting.
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The drinks, well, they helped me avoid feeling all of that. But here's what I didn't realize at the time, I wasn't just avoiding the uncomfortable feelings I was I was avoiding the very insights that those feelings were trying to give me, but I was so deep into the avoiding and for so long that it was going to be a tough road out of it. But as I worked towards being sober almost three years now. What I noticed when I started was something interesting about myself. I didn't stop avoiding I just changed tactics. Instead of drinks, it became games on my phone. Instead of alcohol, it became falling asleep to Disney, plus the substance changed, but the pattern, it remained exactly the same. And if you're honest with yourself, you could probably recognize some pattern like this too. Maybe it's the same experience as me, or maybe it's not drinking or games. Maybe it's endless research instead of taking action. Maybe it's reorganizing your workspace for the fifth time this month instead of making some scary decision or phone call, maybe it's consuming more business podcasts and courses instead of implementing what you already know works. Here's why this matters more than you think. As solopreneurs, we are our business when we avoid processing our feelings about business or life, we're also avoiding processing vital information that can help us in our business, that knot in your stomach when you think back to that client conversation earlier that day, or some wording you put out in a social post, you started second guessing whether you said the right thing. What that might be telling you is that you care deeply about serving your audience well, that voice in your head saying, I'm not good enough when you look at other entrepreneurs online, well, that could be hard.
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Highlighting that you're comparing the behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. That's a totally different situation
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that overwhelm you feel at the end of each day. Oh my gosh. So many times have I felt it? It might be showing you exactly where your business processes or elements of your business need to change, become more efficient, or we gotten rid of
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but when we immediately reach for distractions, the moment these feelings arise, we miss all this valuable information. Now I'm not suggesting you need to feel everything intensely all the time. I know I'm a work in progress, and sometimes you just don't want to think for once. But what I'm talking about is becoming aware of your avoidance patterns and having better tools to process what's really going on when you need to. What I really love to use, and probably use the most, is meditation. Now before you go, Oh God, switch off.
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That's just one strategy that I've found works the best for me. But there are other strategies that I've used that I found benefit in that I'm going to talk through today as well, in case meditation just isn't your thing right now.
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So let me give you three other specific strategies that have helped me discover how I can best handle these feelings. Strategy one, before you reach for your usual avoidance, avoidance activity, right? Whether that's your phone, TV or whatever, your go to distraction is. Instead, set a timer for two minutes, two minutes, simple amount of time. Ask yourself, you know, what am I trying not to think about right now? Now, don't try and solve anything. Just acknowledge what's there.
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You'll be amazed at how often just naming the feeling or the concern reduces its power over you, and I think it's important to acknowledge that it's a feeling, not a state of being so
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if what I'm trying not to think about right now is the thoughts of I'm not good enough, it's not that I am not good enough, it's that I'm feeling like I'm not good enough, or I'm thinking that I'm not good enough. Strategy number two, so keeping a notebook next to your bed, not not your phone, not an app, actual pen and paper. And when those thoughts start swirling as you're trying to sleep, just write them down, all of them, the money worries, the ideas, the fears. This isn't about solving anything at bedtime. It's purely about getting those thoughts out of your head instead of keeping you awake with an endless loop or a third strategy is a gratitude journal. Now you've probably heard this before and you're like, oh, gratitude.
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But
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this is a gratitude journal with a bit of a twist. So instead of just listing you know what you're grateful for that day, which is a great practice at the beginning and end of your day. Anyways, use gratitude as a bridge between the avoidance and awareness. So when you catch yourself reaching for a distraction, first acknowledge what you're avoiding and then find something related to be grateful for. So maybe you're worried about not having enough money, or how money's coming in next week. Perhaps the thought would be, I'm grateful for the clients I have who do value my work and pay me for my work. Now I've tried all of these, and personally I prefer Strategy three, and I try and make it a daily practice, though I admit I'm pretty inconsistent with it, but I still will use strategy one, usually during the day, when things pop up while I'm working on or in my business. But I do know people who swear by Strategy two, so I did want to include it. It's something I tried, but I didn't really love. But here's the thing about avoidance that most people don't really understand. It's not a weakness, it's actually your nervous system trying to protect you. So I found a quote from a clinical psychologist, Michael G wetter, that explains that, in the most basic terms, the function of avoidance is to protect us from what we perceive to be a threat, and that's perfect when we're talking about like real danger. You should absolutely avoid walking into traffic or touching a hot stove. But as solopreneurs, we're not dealing necessarily with life or death situations. We're dealing with uncomfortable feelings about growth, uncertainty, putting ourselves out there.
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And for these challenges, we need to upgrade our protection strategies, as it were. Instead of avoiding these challenges, we need to get better at processing them, because every time you avoid those difficult feelings or conversations or decisions, you're essentially choosing to stay exactly where you are. And if where you are isn't where you want to be, something has to change so that solopreneurs who actually achieve breakthroughs in their businesses, they're not the ones who never feel overwhelmed or scared.
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They're the ones who've learned to feel those feelings and take action anyway. They've learned to use their discomfort as data instead of escaping from it. And hey, maybe it's not all the time, but being aware of it is the first step.
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So now.
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Now, at the very least, I hope this has opened your eyes to at least one area, maybe an activity or a time in your day that you're actively avoiding. But here's the next step, your homework tonight, before you reach for your usual end of day distraction, or maybe right before you go to bed, try one of these strategies you're not committing to a daily practice. Just have a play and see. And this is not about perfection. You don't have to eliminate all avoidance from your life. The goal is awareness. The goal is choice. The goal is recognizing when avoidance is serving you and when it's trying to sabotage you. So if you're listening to this and thinking, this is exactly what I need to hear but I need help implementing it, then I want you to know that you're not alone in this journey. Leave a comment below with your biggest avoidance pattern, whether it's phone games, endless, researching Netflix or something completely different. Let's start a conversation about this, because chances are if you're struggling with it, so is someone else listening right now? Thank you for spending the time with me today. Remember your business doesn't have to be complicated to be successful, and taking care of yourself isn't separate from taking care of your business. They are the same thing. So keep creating that impact with ease, and I'll see you again next week.
